Things that are easier than you’d expect:
making sweet potato pie from scratch
giving a girl your number
getting a library card
Things that are harder than you’d expect:
buying the 12 x 49 IVAR side panels from IKEA
I have been trying to buy the 12x49 IVAR shelves for what feels like 12 years (in reality, two months). They are the perfect size and shape for my bedroom, and yet, IKEA does not want me to have them! This wild goose chase has gone on too long. First, they were unavailable for delivery, so I went to the IKEA Brooklyn to pick them up. They were out of stock there, so I had to assuage my sadness by buying gingerbread cookies and picture frames and a tea light lantern. Two weeks passed, and I swore I wouldn’t make the same mistake. I stalked the few remaining shelf units in the tri-state area, and found two side panels at the IKEA on Long Island. I checked Sunday morning, and they were still there, so I confidently boarded the train east. Alas, to my great dismay, after standing in the longest line and weaving my way through the home furnishings maze, I found out that they had… sold the last two that morning!!! Coming in only a few hours too late, so close to victory, led me to make my same previous mistake— but worse.
This time, despite the fact that I was two hours from my home and would be using public transportation and my own two feet to return to said home, I decided to put everything that called to me into my cart. Somehow, I believed I would buy the right combination of items to fill the 12x49 IVAR shelves-shaped hole in my chest. Three types of lingonberry products? Check! A 99¢ coin purse in the shape of the iconic blue IKEA bag? Check! Gingerbread cookies and mulled fruit drink? Check! More picture frames? Check! 160 tea lights and two normal candles? Check and check! A big, leafy, new plant? Sure, throw that on!
Foolish. Foolish, foolish, foolish. Yes, I made it on to my first train fine, and off and onto my second, but then I could barely get off the second train. The car I was in didn’t reach to the platform, so I had to switch cars, but I couldn’t quite fit through the door to the next car with all my bags, and purchases, and plant. (script of that scene below)
me, ineffectually trying to open door and squeeze through: agh!
voice overhead: last call to get off!
conductor, in surprise, opening door: are you trying to get off??
me, distressed, but polite: yes, if I can, but no worries if I can’t!
conductor, kind, holding door and reopening the already-closed doors to platform; saving my day: here!
me, overcome: thank you so so much! thank you!!
Because of above scene, I was very nervous about navigating the subway turnstile with my Oversized Load. I have two working legs, so I decided to trot on home— unwittingly embarking on a two mile trek with my 1000 lb load (and a plant!). I only got through because of my mindfulness training: I kept muttering to myself, “The only moment that exists is right now, the only moment that exists is right now, the only…” (Side note: masks have really aided and abetted my journey into being someone who constantly talks to herself in public. I’m under the delusion that no one can hear me if I wear a mask.)
I know you are all waiting with bated breath on the conclusion of my story (if only so you can stop reading), so you will be pleased to hear that I made it home, and with only slightly bruised shoulders. I sat on the floor surrounded by my unhinged IKEA purchases (two packets of gravy mix! string lights! dark chocolate!) and swore to stay away from the store until I have a written guarantee that they will sell me the 12x49 IVAR side panels!
Again, IKEA if you’re reading this, I want two (2) 12x49 IVAR side panels!
Thank you. (who knows how long I will be able to maintain this vow. only time will tell.)