I’m home alone this week, for thanksgiving. When my mom first called to discuss thanksgiving plans, I told her, sharply, that I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want that to be my reality.
But, since that first phone call, I’ve started antidepressants, I’ve become more alive, and I’m now genuinely delighted to have this space to myself! yes, of course, I miss my family, and I miss large, in-person gatherings, and there is still a pandemic and I am still depressed, BUT!!!
there is actually some joy in my life! I am actually feeling okay! this is cause for rejoicing in our apartment, as “okay” has not been the state of affairs for quite some time!
Last weekend, I made a google slides presentation (which is one of my favorite things to do) about this week’s vacation. I’m doing themed days, and it has been so surprisingly lovely!
Friday was Netflix & chill, and I just watched dumb things on Netflix on the couch with no self-judgement.
Saturday was mindfulness, and I went to a day-long zoom mindfulness retreat. I also washed all the dirty dishes in the apartment— mindfully!
Sunday (delightfully) was France day! I started my themed portion of the day off with a visit to my Sunday café, Café Regular, where I had my regular cortado, and sat on a red wire seat at a little round, marble-topped table outside. I drank my cortado, people-watched, and read Vert: Histoire d'une couleur. Then, I followed citymapper on a loop-de-loop detour over the East River and back again, ending up at the Almondine Boulangerie, for my baguette, parisien sandwich, and chocolate eclair, which I ate by the riverside. Next, I headed uptown to the Met Cloisters, drank my fill of medieval art, popped into Zabar’s for ridiculous amounts of cheese, and came home to eat a lot of cheese dishes and watch slow tv of someone walking around Paris.
Monday was housekeeping, and I cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom, reorganized and set up my home office (aka 8th grade history classroom), watched a Christmas movie, ate 3 leisurely meals, had a telehealth appointment, and went to my last zoom mindfulness class.
Tuesday was literary day! I dressed like a chic librarian in my 1950s Lord & Taylor Young New Yorker plaid skirt and jacket set, along with my lace collared cream blouse and my vintage leather pumps. I tried out two new neighborhood cafes, one for morning coffee and one for lunch, and was delighted with both. I read to my heart’s content, and tried to sit down and write. I also read some of Ella Enchanted aloud to one of my sisters.
There’s no one watching me, no one holding me accountable besides myself. I am fully in charge. I’m doing things to make me comfortable, not anyone else, and it’s insanely freeing. I’m learning how to actually be at home in my own space, how to be at home in my body, and how to hold space for myself. I’m treating myself with care and respect. It’s really nice.