14 Juin 2021
Whether God created me to be a lesbian or just with the potential, being a lesbian is one of the truest parts of myself. It was a choice, in that it was a choice to tell myself and everyone else what was already there. It was a choice to choose life and love and truth and myself. My god, was it a choice to choose myself. I didn’t kill myself. I chose life. It is true and good that I am a lesbian, because it means I am listening to and loving myself. Saying I’m a lesbian is something I’m proud of, because I had to work through so much to get to this point. I clawed my way out, and I refuse to be placed back in the dark closet again.
Thank God I’m a lesbian! It means I love myself and who I am. It means I have looked at God’s creation and called her Very Good.
I think the truest parts of ourselves are those facets to which we are drawn, with which we wrestle, those we try to reject, and the ones that come back and become the ones we embrace. For me, those parts are:
Lesbian
Christian
Artist/Writer
I’ve tried my damndest to escape all three, but they kept popping back up like whack-a-moles, and feeling undeniable. I’m now in the position of learning how to embrace all of them, and learning to imagine what shapes they can form in my life and what spaces they can occupy. It’s not always a fun, happy, hunky-dory journey, but there is deep joy in it. Throughout all of it, I know I am choosing my self.
What is calling out for you to choose? What inward parts need your affirmation?